This is probably the most commonly asked question by new parents.
Why oh why is that little baby waking at night if they’re not hungry? Is it due to a developmental milestone? A regression? Teething? Are they getting too much or too little sleep during the day? Or maybe the temperature is too hot or too cold?
All good questions. Any one of these things could be the culprit, or it could be a combination of many of them.
Perfectly non-confusing, right? I’m sure you’ve already learned that baby sleep is extremely complicated. I mean really, it doesn’t make any sense. When we’re tired, we go to sleep. Simple as that! So why is it that when we put our babies down, they sometimes fight it tooth and nail, even though we know they’re exhausted? And why do they keep waking up multiple times a night if they’re that tired? Why can’t they just sleep?!
Well, for starters, their little bodies and brains are constantly changing, so right when you fix one issue, another one might come along to take its place.
Some issues have pretty easy solutions. If they’re too hot, take a layer off, turn up the A/C or put a fan in the room. If teething is the culprit, a little infant Tylenol will help. If their room isn’t dark enough, get some blackout blinds.
These are just quick fixes of course, and if that was your issue you probably wouldn’t be here reading this. The reason some people struggle with their child’s sleep is because of issues that aren’t so simple, and don’t have a quick fix.
Here’s a scenario for you: an 18-month-old girl goes down easily for a nice long nap in the middle of the day, gets plenty of stimulation and sunlight playing outside every day, but when it’s time to get ready for bed it’s always a battle. After finally falling asleep, she wakes up around 3 AM every day and takes a while to fall back asleep, and she won’t sleep any later than 6 AM.
So what could be the problem here? Is she sleeping too much during the day?
I could certainly understand why someone would think that. I mean, if I took a long nap during the day, I would struggle to fall asleep and stay asleep at bedtime too.
But usually, it’s the exact opposite. The baby in this scenario is demonstrating a need for more sleep, not less.
If this sounds completely bonkers to you, let me explain.
Three hours before we usually wake for the day, our bodies begin secreting a hormone called cortisol. This is a word that usually strikes fear in the hearts of all parents, but as long as you understand how it works, it’s nothing to be afraid of.
Let’s say you come face to face with a bear. Cortisol is the hormone your body would produce in huge quantities to elevate your heart rate and stimulate your nervous system. In the morning, however, it’s what gets us started. It’s basically mother nature’s way of giving us something like caffeine.
So if we compare cortisol to a cup of coffee, then the equivalent to melatonin would be an evening glass of wine. In the evening, our bodies slowly begin to release melatonin, which is the hormone responsible for making us feel nice and sleepy. It’s also the reason why we fall asleep and stay asleep until morning.
Seems like the perfect system, right? Well, unfortunately for us parents, this system is easily confused. Let’s now go back to the situation with the 18-month-old to figure out what’s happening…
She has a nice long nap every day and gets lots of outdoor activity, so her body should be ready to produce lots of melatonin to help her fall asleep and stay asleep all night. So why does she have this burst of energy right at bedtime, and why is she up in the night and so early in the morning?
When a baby’s body begins releasing that lovely sleep-inducing hormone, it’s time to start thinking about getting that baby to bed. The timing doesn’t have to be perfect. There is some wiggle room here (the amount of wiggle room really depends on the baby – some are more tolerant of tiredness than others). But if that little baby is kept awake longer than she should be, her little brain will instinctively think there’s a reason why sleep is being denied (maybe there’s a bear to run from?), and her body will respond in the only way it knows how.
Her system will start secreting cortisol.
Y’know, the daytime hormone. Which is insanely counterproductive when you’re trying to put her to bed.
Overtiredness rears its head in the form of playfulness and manic energy. Basically, she missed her window, and now it’s going to be that much harder to get her to sleep.
So that explains why bedtime is such a fight, but why is she waking in the night?
Let’s assume her circadian rhythm schedules a 6 AM wakeup every day. This means her body will slowly begin secreting cortisol 3 hours before that. This is a double-edged sword, because melatonin production has ceased at this point in the night. So now there is a little bit of natural stimulant going on (good old mother nature’s caffeine) with no natural sedative to combat it. So when she gets to that state of being “slightly awake” between sleep cycles, she has her hormones working against her. Now, some babies might be able to just roll over and go back to sleep, even though they went to bed overtired. But other babies – especially those who need help to fall asleep – may have a full-blown wakeup and struggle to fall asleep again before morning.
So, here’s the part you’ve been waiting for: how to fix it.
There is no simple way to adjust a baby’s hormone production schedule, however, there are some things you can do to help out. Get them outside as much as possible. Even in the winter, natural light is extremely beneficial for melatonin production at night.
Make sure their room is as dark as possible at night (and for naps). If you can, dim the lights in your house about an hour before bedtime. We’re trying to simulate a sunset, which will cue their bodies to release more melatonin so it’s in full swing when they get into their cribs.
Steer clear of any screen time at least an hour before bed, preferably even longer. TVs, phones, tablets, or anything else along those lines emit a ton of blue light. Blue light exposure will stimulate production of the hormone we want to avoid at bedtime…cortisol.
The best possible advice I can give you to help your baby sleep through the night is to get them on a consistent sleep schedule and teach them how to sleep independently. I understand that sleep training isn’t for everyone. I get it, believe me. If this is the case for you, work on making routines as predictable as possible, and don’t be afraid of an earlier bedtime.
And for those of you who aren’t opposed to sleep training, just be aware that teaching independent sleep skills doesn’t mean you’re preventing your baby from waking in the night. It simply means you’re giving them the skills to get back to sleep all on their own when they do wake in the night. Us adults wake up 5-6 times per night on average, but we usually don’t even remember these wakeups because they are so brief. That’s how we want it to be for our babies too.
So no, we can’t prevent wakeups. What we can do is help babies learn to recognize that they are safe in their cribs, it is still nighttime, and they can go back to sleep on their own. To learn more about this, you can download my free guide, “Five Easy Steps to Help Your Child Sleep Through the Night.” You can find this on my website or on the link in my Instagram bio.
I talked about this earlier, but for my last bit of advice…make sure your baby’s room is absolutely, completely, 100% clear of bears. The surest way to cause a sleep regression is waking up to a snarling grizzly bear.
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Have some sleep questions that need answering? Near or far I would LOVE to hear from you! Golden Dreams Sleep Consulting is based out of Golden, British Columbia, but works with families all over the world. All packages and services are available via phone, email, and/or Skype/Facetime!