When should I put my baby to bed?
Great question! I get asked this a lot, so if you’re wondering the same thing, you’re definitely not alone. Every baby is different, so it can be hard to tell when they’re ready for sleep. Some parents like to use sleepy cues, while others like to follow a clock. Now, here’s the truth: both of these options can lead to problems! Relying on sleepy cues (otherwise referred to as ‘drowsy but awake’), can work for some babies, but I find it is far less effective after 4 months of age. The cues for hunger and sleep can look very similar. And, to make things even more complicated, if a baby is used to going to bed at a certain time or interval, they will inevitably begin showing sleepy cues around that time, even if they don’t actually need to sleep yet.
On the other hand, following a strict clock schedule can result in an overtired or undertired baby if the schedule isn’t right.
My favourite strategy is to use average wake windows for your baby’s age and tweak as needed. However, if a baby is over 8 months of age and you are struggling with wake windows, a set schedule can work really well. A set schedule means that you have designated nap(s) and bedtime, based off of average wake windows, and adjust plus or minus by 30 minutes as needed, but no more than that.
For example, an 8-month-old set schedule looks something like this:
Wake up: 6:30 AM
Nap 1: 9:30 AM
Nap 2: 2:30 PM
Bedtime: 7:00 PM
The key here is that the timings are not set in stone. Sometimes babies wake earlier than usual, so instead of trying to follow a clock, we adjust the first nap by half an hour. I always give the guideline of plus or minus 30 minutes with each nap/bedtime. We don’t want to adjust too much, or else we could run into other issues (like early morning wakings, short naps, etc). The half hour “rule” works quite well. But again, I usually don’t recommend trying this until 8 months of age.
When following a clock exclusively, it can be hard on babies and toddlers because they can have different sleep needs throughout the day. As much as it would make sleep easier for the whole family…our little ones aren’t robots!
So how do you find the average wake window for your baby?
By following this handy chart! And just so you’re aware, I calculate wake windows from the time baby gets out of bed to the time they are laid back down.
These wake windows work well for most little ones. If your baby’s wake windows look nothing like this, that’s fine! As long as everything is working, there’s no need to worry. It’s just important to be aware of age appropriate wake windows in case issues arise. Some babies need a wake window on the shorter side in the morning, and are gradually able to tolerate longer wake times as the day progresses. Other babies, including my own daughter, do better with the same wake window across the board.
How to know when to tweak a wake window?
Here’s another little chart to help out. There could be other reasons for the common problems listed below, but if you are noticing any of these happening consistently, this will hopefully give you an idea of what’s going on:
Just keep in mind that these guidelines apply to babies who sleep independently or are in the process of learning independent sleep skills. Babies who need help to fall asleep (even by use of a pacifier) are more at risk for having short naps or other sleep disturbances, regardless of their wake window, so these guidelines will not be as accurate or helpful in that case.
If you think the solution is extending the wake window, this might not be as easy as you hope. Don’t worry, I struggled with this too! It was so hard to believe that the solution was extending a wake window when my little one was showing sleepy cues well before the wake window chart said she should’ve. But therein lay the problem. I was putting her down too early, so she wasn’t able to build up enough sleep pressure…and therefore she had short naps and lower quality sleep. We were stuck in a viscous cycle of her actually being overtired all the time because she wasn’t staying up long enough. It sounds so backwards, which is why a lot of families get trapped in the same scenario. I had to really commit and trust the process to get out of it.
Just remember, if a baby is used to going to sleep at a certain time or interval each day…they will inevitably feel tired when that time comes, even if they don’t necessarily need to sleep at that time. You know that feeling when your energy tanks mid morning or mid afternoon? You don’t actually need a nap, you just need to stretch, get outside or have a snack, and then you feel awake again. Babies can go through this too!
To help them stay awake to their proper wake window, try a change of scenery. Getting them outside can be hugely helpful. There’s nothing like some natural blue light from the sun to wake them up! If you aren’t able to get outside, try playing in a different room, do a new fun activity, or have a different caregiver play with them for a while. A really helpful way to energize a sleepy baby is to involve water! I used to put my little one in the sink when she was getting cranky. She loved to splash around and play with the faucet. We called it a “subby” – a sink tubby! And, of course, if your little one is old enough to enjoy solids, give them a snack! Food usually helps, especially fruit with its natural sugar.
Don’t change things too quickly!
When making changes to your babies schedule, do it gradually. Firstly, because you don’t want to overwhelm your child or drive them into overtiredness by changing their schedule too drastically. Secondly, because we want to give the schedule change enough time to see if it’s working! If you change things up one day and don’t see any improvement and then immediately change it again the next day…you haven’t given your little one enough time to adjust. I like to give babies at least 4 days to adjust before tweaking again.
If your little one has a bad nap day, no need to panic. It happens all the time, and that doesn’t mean there’s a need to change anything. Now, if your baby has bad nap days 4 days in a row…? You might want to think about making some changes. 4 days after making that change, reassess to see if further tweaking is needed.
My baby’s wake window is working! When should I change it again?
Another great question that I can’t give an exact answer to! Babies are constantly changing and growing, and their sleep needs change along with them. Their sleep needs will slowly decrease as they get older.
If you notice that your little one is suddenly taking longer than 20 minutes to fall asleep, they probably need a longer wake window. They may be simply playing in their crib, or crying a lot. Either way, when your baby begins protesting nap or bedtimes that were previously working, it’s a safe bet that they need more awake time. Along a similar note, if you had a schedule that worked well and are now dealing with early morning wakings or night wakings, it’s time to consider a longer wake window.
But remember, make sure these issues are happening for at least 4 days before deciding to make changes!
And there you are! These are all my best tips for finding your baby’s ideal wake window. If you are still struggling to find the right schedule for your little one, I would love to help you out! Book a free call and we can chat more about your situation, and I’ll explain how I can help you and your family get some quality sleep!
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Have some sleep questions that need answering? Near or far I would LOVE to hear from you! Golden Dreams Sleep Consulting is based out of Golden, British Columbia, but works with families all over the world. All packages and services are available via phone, email, and/or Skype/Facetime!